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Earl & Della Crockett Website |
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DAVY CROCKETT - This is Your LifeACT I Back in the middle ages, around 1847 or so, in a small Idaho town whose Indian name translates into something like “This-ain't-the-Place”, a relatively common thing took place with somewhat -uncommon results. A son is born to Mr. and Mrs. Crockett. In those days, the harshness of which has to a great extent been either forgot., or is beyond comprehension....in those days, boys were considered a real boon to a family in which everyone was expected to be productive. No marginal producers allowed; the concept of the economic man pervaded all. SCENARIO: Ol’ Dad Crockett paces the floor in obvious anticipation of goodies of some type or other. Soon the door bursts open; Enter Dr, Schlump. Dr. Schlunp: Let me be the first to congratulate you! Your wife has presented ou with a health baby boy. He is all in one piece, and has beautiful, strong hands. I can tell that he will make a fine plumber ACT II A few years later, young Crockett is found matriculating at the University of Utah. This is rather an odd place to study plumbing., but young Earl had decided that life had other things to offer than wrestling with a plumber’s friend. As we have noticed his concerted effort in the past years in attempting to better the lot of humanity by bringing understanding of economic matters to students and those in government policy-making positions, it is important to realize that the young Crockett had made up his mind along these lines at an early age. SCENARIO: Counselor: Now, young man, what is it that you wish to study? Crockett: Sir, I would like to take up mechanical engineering. Counselor: Sorry, young man,, there are no sections of that left. “C”, you know, is pretty far down in the alphabet. Crockett: Well, how about chemistry. Counselor: Let's see...Chemistry meets on Tu-Thu-Sat Crockett: Nope; can't take that. I have a work permit. I also work every day from 10:00 to 8:00. Counselor: Well, boy, that rather limits what we can offer. We have basket weaving at 8:00, and a course called Economics at 9:00. We don't really know what they teach in there, but they flunk out a lot of students and that keeps the campus uncluttered. Crockett: My mother weaves all the baskets that we need; I'll take that there Economics (sic). ACT III Thus a great career was launched. Young Earl did so well as an undergraduate that he was prompted to go on with his studies with a view toward teaching someday himself. Off to Berkeley, then for graduate work at the venerable University of California. Here at his new Alma Mater a unique system has been promulgated called the Mentee Program, in which each Professor, the mentor, has a graduate student assigned to do small chores, such as: teaching class, making tests, administering tests, grading tests, assigning grades, listening to gripes, sharpening pencils, walking the dog, walking the mentor, etc., etc., etc. Young Earl’s mentor Dr. Cross, was the source of a great deal of his early training in pedagogy. His guidance led the young student through the obstacles of the doctoral program with considerable élan and aplomb, Here also did the candidate meet his wifemate, Della., who also contribute markedly to his success in attaining the PhD in Economics. SCENARIO: Della: Dear, here are all the questions that your committee is going to ask; I swiped them while cleaning the ash-trays in the chairman’s office. Earl: That's fabulous, dear. I'll have to make sure to get them in the right order. I’ve so much to do for Dr. Cross that I haven’t been able to do any studying for the past six years. Dr. Cross: (Sticking head in door and brandishing club): Get to work., you. What do you think we’re paying you $25 a semester take home pay for? Get those papers graded!!! (Exits) (Enter the examining committee) #1: Young man., are you ready to take your oral examinations? Earl: Yes, sir, if it please the court. #2.- We -will test your basic background first. What is the Iron Law of Wages? Earl: In the steel industry, wages are determined by the interaction of pressure, volume, and temperature. #3: Well spoken, lad. Now, what is an economic rent? Earl: That is the extraordinarily high rent paid by economists for housing due to their doubtful community status. #1: Excellent. Let us explore your own field of Public Finance. What is the first principle of public finance? Earl: Goose plucking is certainly a ramification of the sorry state of affairs in the poultry industry. All examiners: Wonderful marvelous, etc., We shall recommend you for your degree "summa cum non sequitur, nausea causa." Della: I'm sure proud of you, honey. Now maybe we can get a job and have our first solid meal in thirteen years. ACT IV The new Doctor Crockett took his first full-time teaching position at the University of North Dakota, located at New Minsk. His experience at California as a mentee had prepared him admirably for his new job: teaching a course in Principles of Economics. It was here that Dr. Crockett developed his fine teaching ability; the use of current examples he found to greatly interest and intrigue his students. SCENARIO: (This part to be developed by the character. He lectures from a large stack of notes, consisting of a pile of newspapers six inches high., from which he blows the dust. During the lecture he holds aloft charts and graphs which he finds in issues of Nugget. He also tears very small pieces out of his newspaper notes, exhibiting them to the class. At the end., Della sticks her head in the door and announces that the tumbleweed soup is getting cold, and to come to lunch. Earl closes the lecture as if this were exactly where he planned to stop.) ACT V Della and the Doctor left North Dakota when their house was buried one day by a friendly dust storm. They settled in Boulder, Colorado, where Earl began his distinguished career of teaching and administrating the affairs of the University through the faculty senate. He was always a willing and hard worker; and thus was appointed to many committees. SCENARIO: Pres: And now for thereports, of the standing and special Committees. Earl: The committee on teacher's ethics and morals rejects the proposed senate code seeking to restrict the practice of eyeballing by all faculty members above the rank of assistant professor on the grounds that the current practice represents earned psychic income. etc. ACT VI Along with the Doctor's academic activities, were tons of a truly public service nature. As friend., confidant and advisor to Governors, many worthwhile results were obtained from his many Meetings with state officials I concerning public finance. As significant of his peculiar ability in this field, attest the marvelous record of his estimates of state revenues. SCENARIO: Governor: And how have you arrived at these figures in the past., Dr. Crockett? Earl: Well, these estimates are made up of what you might call a weighted average of relative non-relatives ceteris paribus; for instances the number of dogs abounding on the campi of the state schools; the mean length of bermuda shorts in early June; and some other esoteric empirical sources. Governor: Let us review some of the past figures: 1930: 48,930,143.05 48,930,143.09 difference: .04 1935: 56,332,769.13 56,332,769.15 difference: .02 1950: 84,584,345.98 84,584,346.06 difference: .08 1956: 134,812,569.26 134,812,567.87 difference: 1.39 State Tres.: You will notice, however, that last year he missed by $1.39. This represents gross negligence, and we recommend that some action be taken. Governor: We certainly must do something about this situation. I recommend that he be shipped back to Utah. All members: YES YES YES back to BYU etc. ACT VII And so Earl Crockett prepares to take leave of Colorado after 348 years of fruitful endeavor to become a high officer of Brigham Young University. His parting moments are not without pathos; especially meaningful to him is his last class in which he attempts not to let the situation break down into soggy sentimentalism, but continue in the fine tradition of the past. SCENARIO: ACTI VII Earl Crockett, This is Your Life!
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